No, technologically illiterate boomers, CryptoCurrency actually does in fact have intrinsic value

If I build a machine like typewriter or a dishwasher, two of the biggest products in modern history, what is their intrinsic value? Once I'm past the prototype and growth stage and mass producing these damn things, how do I know how to price them, how much will people pay?

The answer is people will pay according to the value they receive in the form of time and effort saved by using these machines rather than doing the activity by hand. If a typewriter saves you hundreds of dollars a year then people should expect to pay a few hundred dollars for one, absent any competition. The intrinsic value of any machine is the time and money saved by using the machine over doing it by hand or with a weaker machine.

Cryptocurrencies like Ethereum run on virtual machines, and their intrinsic value is sort of like those animes where the good/bad guy gets so powerful that the other heroes can't even detect his level anymore. To understand just how valuable cryptocurrencies are, you have to think about the purpose and function of a fiat economy, and examine how many professions and industries exist and are necessary to enable a fiat economy to work smoothly and integrate with the wider world.

Essentially, our fiat economy is a huge machine designed to facilitate the exchange of goods and keep track of who owes what to whom. And this machine is operated by millions of people at the expense of trillions of dollars. And this is all to just make the rest of the economy work a lot faster. Because without fiat technology, your society would have to spend tons of time and labor lugging around junk to barter, there'd be a lot more risk and less trade and less growth.

And to make a fiat economy work you need universities, professors, governance, regulators, investigators, enforcers, courts, lawyers, banks, bankers, accountants – just a ton of high-priced professionals and institutions and technology, many of them soaked in corruption despite all the mechanisms intended to keep people honest, all for a system designed to keep people honest that nevertheless fails spectacularly every few years.

But the worst part is that if you want to try nation-building a place like Afghanistan or develop a colony on Mars, you have to build up all these fiat institutions and train tons of professionals before you can integrate whatever these people grow/build into the global/interstellar economy at large. We've already lost trillions of dollars just recently trying to build up institutions like the American Universities in Iraq and Afghanistan to train the future professionals needed to run the country, but these efforts were thwarted by insurgents and terrorists.

But cryptocurrencies automatically and incorruptibly do all the functions of these fiat institutions and professions and even more. And all you need to run a basic crypto economy is smart phones and internet, and this is how nations and colonies will be developed in the future. When Mars is settled, the colonists won't need to include bankers and crap, just workers and scientists and general security (just like all those sci-fi movies that naively assume the economic details are sorted out before colonization begins). The next time a superpower tries to rebuild a failed state, there won't be concerns of them imposing cultural hegemony via the construction of institutions, and economic prosperity will come online much faster.

The intrinsic value of cryptocurrency is currently trillions of dollars, and it remains undervalued simply because its value still isn't understood by evaluators, and this is largely in part due to the fact that this technology makes obsolete practically the entire class these evaluators belong to. Different cryptos will appeal to different people based on their feature sets, but in general the more money is invested into this industry and the quicker it evolves scale solutions the more money and time is saved in the long run by getting these systems online and the old economic administration out the door.